she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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