I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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