It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
