I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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