I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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