how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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