I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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