i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
