ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
