He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
