I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
