If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm passing your future prison.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
