Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
