How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think my mom watched the whole time
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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