Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
