I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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