I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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