last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
