she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
