Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
