If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
