once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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