You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
