you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
