I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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