Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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