Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
