I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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