Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
