Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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