Hey man sorry I got all grabby
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
