Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
