the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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