chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
