Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
