next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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