why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
