it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
