good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
