i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
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