Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
