im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
