Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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