I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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