Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
