he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
