dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
