dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
