Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
