Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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