he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize