I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have fence marks all over my body
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
