Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
