in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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