I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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