Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm jealous of your bromance
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
