Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want nice things and good sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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