Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
