I skipped work to stalk him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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