And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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