Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
did you just send me my own nude
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
