glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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