I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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