yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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