Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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