Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do herpes really smell.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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