Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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